Am I a Failure?

I’m surprised that I have been as good as I have with my sugar addiction, but I have been drinking Monster drinks almost everyday!  I have traded one addiction for another.  Maybe it helps me deal with my craving for sweets.  Maybe it’s the energy it gives me.  I don’t know, but I haven’t felt the lack of sugar in my life as long as I have a Monster.

Really, it has helped me with the sugar, but it has not taken my suffering completely away.  I have been ornery at times, I have been sad when I can’t order dessert, I have found myself looking at dessert recipes and I have to literally stop myself from torturing myself with the pictures.  I have to tell myself to shut the dumb book and think about something else.

So why would I allow myself to develop a new addiction.  It’s expensive, it’s going to cause pain when I stop, and I have to go to great lengths to hide what I’m doing.  I can’t let my kids know what I’m doing.  They’d consider it a cheat and want a cheat themselves from their “no sugar” goal for the summer.

I must stop this habit, or I’m going to have to go through the whole thing again with the Monsters!  Sometimes I just say to myself, “Duh!”  What do you think is going to happen after a couple of months of this?  I know there’s only pain in this new habit.

I wonder if an addictive personality must have an addiction.  Is it possible to be truly addiction-free?  Hmmm.  I must ponder that thought.

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~ by familyfavoritefoods on June 22, 2011.

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